


I'm Fine

by sekaist94



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 02:36:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15720222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekaist94/pseuds/sekaist94
Summary: "I'm Fine" is the bane of Kyungsoo's existence.





	I'm Fine

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is just a little sesoo drabble i worked on while procrastinating my other fics, please be kind to it >< i havent written angst in years; please enjoy!

There was a single phrase that Kyungsoo hated, mainly because it was always a sign of things going awry, and has brought nothing but chaos into his life, where he is left with misery and broken pieces of a million ‘what ifs’. He was twenty five, and had already lost count of the amount of times people have said that phrase to him, and the words have taken on a different meaning completely.

The first time he heard someone use it was when he was five years old, and the memory was seared into his mind, unforgettable.

Kyungsoo should’ve been asleep at that point, but there was a loud man in the kitchen, slamming things around, asking for something called a ‘bier’. What that was, he had no clue but he watched from the shadows, eyes wide, as his mother rushed forward with a glass bottle filled with pee-coloured liquid and handed it to the staggering man.

“Be quiet, Soo is asleep!” His mother exclaimed worriedly.

The man stared at his mother for a moment.

“Huh? What’s it matter to me?” A drunken slur slipped out of his curling lips, “‘S all your fault really, I could be out there with the lads, having the time of my life but here I am, stuck with two whores living off me, like mother like son, eh?”

His mother gaped in horror for an instant before she composed herself. “I said to be quiet!” Frantically, she started rearranging everything the man had messed up with shaking hands.

Suddenly, the man raised his now empty bottle high in the air and unexpectedly brought it down straight on his mother’s head, hard. It was as though it happened in slow motion, or it might have been his drunkenness slowing his action down but Kyungsoo saw it clear as day, the way the bottle shattered upon impact on his mother’s head, the shock and the pain on the pale porcelain face that had comforted him on countless nights, the glass shards falling to the ground with soft ‘plinks’ that hurt his heart. He wanted to run out there, to shout at that weird man to leave his mother alone but his feet were bolted to the ground, his breaths were coming out in short puffs and he had to slide down the wall to be able to breathe normally again.

There was a stunned silence in the room before the man scoffed and crossed the house to leave, the slam of the door echoing throughout the house and Kyungsoo’s blank mind. He hesitated for a split moment from his place by the door before rushing over to his mom.

“Mommy!” A strangled and panicked cry made it past his throat as he threw himself into his mother’s arms, who had collapsed on the ground, “I need to..I’ll get you something...the blood…” He watched with alarm as the bright red fluid trickled down his mother’s face and slowly trailed off. His mother looked down at him, eyes shining and only now does Kyungsoo recall that it was with tears, and absently stroked his head, comforting him with a single phrase.

Hearing that phrase, Kyungsoo felt something cold wrap around his heart, as though a fist has come and tried to squeeze the life out of it and he decided he never wanted anyone who was important to him to say that phrase again.

Twenty years later, he’s standing in a hospital room, facing the only other person in this world whom he loved aside from his mother who passed away years ago.

“Sehun, you can’t do this to me, why didn’t you tell me earlier, I’m your boyfriend for fuck’s sake,” Kyungsoo cried as he wiped tears from his face angrily.

The pale boy lying on the bed smiled crookedly. He normally towered over Kyungsoo with his 6 foot long body but today he looked so tiny cooped up on the bed and Kyungsoo felt his heart squeeze painfully just looking at him. Sehun looked even paler than before, especially against the monochrome hospital walls and with his limbs hooked up to multiple different machines and Sehun was already pale enough on his own.

“I’m sorry Soo but I didn’t think it would be this serious. I figured if i just got it treated on my own then I would be fine and there would’ve been no need to worry you. You have an important presentation today anyway, why are you here?”

“You didn’t think it would be this serious? You didn’t think that you getting _cancer_ was something I should’ve known? As your _boyfriend_?” Kyungsoo stared at the younger in disbelief, unable to comprehend his idiocy.

Sehun rolled his eyes at his boyfriend,” Stop being so dramatic jeez, loads of people survive cancer nowadays, I probably will too.”

Kyungsoo was incredulous at Sehun’s nonchalance. However, knowing Sehun, if Kyungsoo didn’t leave him alone since Sehun truly believed he was alright, he would throw a tantrum worthy of the gods and Kyungsoo didn’t think he would be able to handle that on top of his current workload.

He fixed the tall boy with a stern look,” I’m coming straight back after my presentation and you better still be here, I’m not done nagging you.”

Sehun chuckled with a happy smile,” I wouldn’t expect anything less hyung, I’m sorry again but really, I’m fine.”

Kyungsoo sucked in a deep breath as a familiar cold pierced his heart.

“Don’t say that.”

“What?”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry?”

“No. The other one.”

“I’m fine? What’s wrong with that?”

Kyungsoo shook his head and went to hug Sehun, eyes never leaving the younger’s face. He tried to commit to memory the pale lines of his boyfriend’s face, the little furrow between his brows when he frowned in confusion, the strong slope of his nose, those pink thin lips Kyungsoo loved to kiss in the dead of the night when it was just the two of them, the strong eyebrows that conveyed a sea of emotions with just a slight movement. He tried to carve out the face of his lover in his mind, tears already weling in his eyes.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry, you’re gonna make me cry too. Come here.” Sehun looked at Kyungsoo worriedly, the elder rarely being one to lose his composure. He winced when the smaller practically threw himself into his arms, pressing into all the wires connected to his body but quickly covered it up, not wanting Kyungsoo to worry further.

The pair hugged each other tightly for what felt like years, before Sehun pulled away and wiped his boyfriend’s tears away.

“Come on now, don’t get all sappy on me, you can’t show up to your presentation looking like Rudolph, Christmas is months away.”

“I can just say I have a cold, let me be emotional on my own.” Kyungsoo muttered, disgruntled.

Sehun grinned,” Go get ‘em baby, and tell me all about it when you come back.”

Kyungsoo sighed and ruffled the younger’s hair. Giving him one last look and being painfully reminded of how frail and delicate Sehun looked, he let the door close behind him.

It was drizzling when he stepped outside the hospital and he almost laughed at the irony of his whole situation. The rain reminded him of all the countless times he and Sehun had danced under the rain, laughing like kids; it reminded him of the day after his mother’s funeral, when Sehun held him in his arms and whispered reassurances into his ear while the sky upended upon them and they had fallen ill together after; it reminded him of the first time they had a fight and Sehun had brought tteokbeokki over to his apartment, crying and promising never to fight ever again because he hated not talking to his favourite Soo hyung.

They were so in love –– they _are_ so in love.

He shook his head as though it would shake off his memories and entered his car, driving to his workplace.

*

Back in the hospital room, Sehun’s grin vanished the instant the door clicked shut. Sighing in frustration, he put his head in his hands, feeling his migraine returning. He whispered a soft _I’m sorry_ before two nurses entered the room. Kyungsoo would probably never hear those words but Sehun said them anyway.

*

Kyungsoo never made his presentation.

His phone rang when his boss was still droning on and the instant he recognised the number he was out of his seat and through the lobby doors, his chair still spinning slightly twenty floors above.

He probably broke every single traffic law that existed but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when _he was already too late_. Sprinting through the pristine corridors, his vision blurred as tears swam in his eyes and he stumbled multiple times before he was standing back in the room he had left less than an hour ago and everything looked exactly the same. Except this time there was no Sehun smiling there anymore.

He fell to his knees sobbing, chanting _why why why why why_ repeatedly in his head like a mantra. _I saw it coming I knew it the instant he said that phrase why didn’t I stay instead why couldn’t I be by his side before he–_ and then he was choking and gasping as his emotions overwhelmed him.

A nurse entered the room and rushed to him worriedly. She was saying something, asking him something but he couldn’t hear her, he didn’t want to hear her because _why did it matter Sehun is gone_ and a new wave of waterworks began.

He eventually pulled himself together and walked out of the room, not before taking all of Sehun’s belongings, and heading to the counter to take care of the paperwork. Sehun’s jacket still smelled like him and Kyungsoo hugged it into his chest.

The nurse gave him a sad look as he was going through the paperwork and he felt himself breaking all over again. Once he signed that last piece of paper, the nurse bowed slightly to him and turned to leave but he caught her sleeve.

“Can I ask...if he had any last….words…” He felt himself getting choked up again.

The nurse looked at him apologetically,” He said he was sorry.”

Kyungsoo gasped, startling both himself and the nurse before he apologised and turned away, tears brimming once again. _He knew. He knew and he lied to me and I can’t even be mad at him because he’s gone._

He recalled the night three weeks ago, just before he went to Jeju for work, when Sehun insisted to bring them to the beach for a midnight picnic. He remembered the way Sehun had stared at him, as though Kyungsoo had hung the moon and the stars; he remembered when they talked about getting married and having kids and growing old together. Sehun must have known by then that he had cancer, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help his heart breaking a little more at the thought that that was Sehun’s last date with Kyungsoo.

_Sehun's gone and he’s never coming back._

He shoved his hands into Sehun’s jacket pockets, wanting to feel like he was holding Sehun again. His fingers brushed against something hard and he pulled out a small box. With his heart in his throat, he opened it and was met with a ring. A simple plain band that had _forever_ carved on the surface, something that perfectly suited both Kyungsoo and Sehun’s tastes. He raised his hand to his mouth as he choked out a sob and he broke.

_Sehun is gone and he’s never coming back._

**Author's Note:**

> hello again!! i'm so sorry that its so short, im working on other longer fics but do let me know what you thought of the fic, all feedback is 10/10 appreciated :) you can find me under @hunslvr on twitter :)


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